A couple made a deal that whoever went first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.The biggest fear was that there was no heaven.After a long life the husband went first,and true to his word he made contact.
"Martha...Martha..."
"Is that you George?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed"
"What's it like?"
"Well I get up in the morning,I have sex.I have breakfast,I have sex.I sun bathe,then I have sex twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, I have sex until late at night. The next night it starts all over again."
" Oh,George , you truly must be in heaven."
" Not exactly" "I'm a rabbit in Saskatchewan."
In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel,the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.
1) The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face."
2) The fat lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him."
3) The American thought - "That Freaking Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."
4) The Canadian thought - "I hope there is another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again."
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be stupid if I'm sticking around here by myself with an
$80,000 mortgage and no bike."
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